Touch and acts of service are my love languages. I absolutely LOVE being stroked, caressed and massaged. Skin-to-skin touch calms me when I’m stressed or upset, and is a huge turn-on for me when I’m in the mood for something more intimate. I’m a qualified massage therapist with many years of experience working in salons and spas, providing everything from lymphatic drainage to deep tissue massage, so it felt natural to extend my touch services to more intimate parts of the anatomy.
I knew that if I was going to learn this properly, I needed to be guided by someone who truly understood the work. So I spent days searching—filtering through all the noise—until I found a course created by a woman with real depth of experience and skill. As I moved through the training, it really hit me just how many women have never been touched in this way. That alone made me want to experience it for myself. Luke was more than willing to learn, taking his time to understand the techniques properly. He needed somewhere to put that knowledge into practice… and I was more than happy to be his model.
Before I even get into the experience, there’s something you need to understand. I’ve only ever climaxed twice in my life without using a vibrator on my clitoris. Most of the time during sex, I lose sensitivity there pretty quickly—sometimes to the point of feeling almost numb. The only real exception has been when I’m in a submissive role within BDSM. For me, BDSM sits at one end of the sensation scale. It’s a full-body experience—intense, sometimes painful in a way that feels good, with touch that’s often firm and fast (though not always).
Sensual massage, especially when combined with yoni massage, sits at the complete opposite end of that same scale. It’s still full-body, but everything is slowed right down - lighter, more intentional, and more drawn out. And for me, it did something I wasn’t expecting… it woke my clitoris up in a way I haven’t felt in a long, long time. The sensations were incredible - this deep, delicious tingling that spread through my entire intimate area, then outward through my body, building slowly, steadily, until it became almost overwhelming in the best way as I got closer to climax.
If you want to experience this for yourself - or gift it to your partner - there are a few non-negotiable rules you need to respect. These aren’t just guidelines; they’re what protect the integrity of the experience and allow it to unfold the way it’s meant to. The moment you ignore even one, you take away her ability to fully surrender to the depth and intensity this practice can reach.
Rule no. 1: Start with a slow, sensual full-body massage. You want her completely relaxed, fully present, and her mind quiet and in the moment. Take your time exploring the rest of her body first - don’t rush anywhere intimate. By the time you do move closer, her body will already be open, more responsive, and more sensitive. That’s what makes the experience deepen - she’s not just being touched, she’s ready to feel it.
Rule no. 2: When you finally reach the intimate parts, go slow. Now go even slower. Don’t even THINK about speeding up. Patience here is a virtue. The only time you can speed up is when she is FULLY aroused, and her body is literally begging for it. Even then, do not - I repeat DO NOT - start flicking her bean at 100 miles per hour. You will ruin all of your hard work, and even worse, completely ruin her experience, leaving her very disappointed and frustrated. You need to very slowly build up the intensity for this to work.
Rule no. 3: Do not directly touch the bean. No, really. Don’t do it. Get as close as possible to the clitoris as you like, but DO NOT use direct touch until much, much later in the yoni massage. It will be one of the very last things you do as part of the experience. When you do finally touch it, use very light pressure and tease lightly, making sure your fingers are well lubricated. You can slowly build the intensity up from there.
Rule no. 4: Use a massage base that is safe for use inside the body as well as on the skin. Organic coconut oil is a fantastic massage base with loads of skin care benefits. Just make sure they are not allergic to whatever you choose to use before you start the massage!
Rule no. 5: Short, clean nails with no sharp edges are absolutely essential. Clean hands matter just as much. This isn’t something you can overlook. If you skip either of these, you risk causing real harm—tiny internal cuts from rough nails, and/or introducing bacteria that can disrupt her natural pH balance. That can lead to irritation, discomfort, and sometimes infection. And once that happens, she’s not enjoying anything until it’s healed - sometimes even needing medical treatment to get back to normal.
The massage experience - step-by-step guide
Before you begin, make sure your space is warm, clean and comfortable. You could use an aromatherapy diffuser and put on a relaxing playlist if you like.
If the woman you are massaging finds it hard to relax, I find a blindfold really helps as it reduces unwanted sensory input and makes it easier for them to relax, deepening the experience (I personally NEED a blindfold for my mind to stop working overtime).
Sensual full body massage - Back, neck and shoulders
Step 1: Make sure your hands are clean and warm before you begin. Keep your massage oil close to hand, and, if possible, place it in a bottle warmer. Place a blanket or towel on the bed in the spot where you want her to position her body.
Step 2: Ask her to lie face down on the bed. If you don’t have a bottle warmer, use the palms of your hands to warm the oil. Using light strokes, spread the oil across her back and shoulders, making sure it is evenly distributed.
Step 3: Using light to medium pressure, place your hands on her lower back. Using the full surface area of your hands (palm and fingers), glide up the back, around the shoulders and slide them back down to the hips. Slide them back to the lower back and carry out the motion again. You want to do this at least 6 times, and you can increase the pressure as the skin warms. This movement is known as effleurage, which uses slow, smooth, gliding strokes.
Important: Don’t massage directly over her spine, it will hurt! You want your fingers in line with the muscle that sits on either side of the spine as you glide up her back.
Step 4: Walk your hands up her back, rocking her lightly as you go. Again, don’t do this directly over the spine! Your hands should be directly on either side, or even a little further out from the spine. You can do this movement for a good 2-3 minutes, interspersing it with effleurage if you like.
Step 5: Focus on the shoulder area. Use thumb circles to get into tense, knotty areas. But remember, this is a sensual massage, not a deep tissue, so if she finds this area very painful, you need to use a lighter touch. You can also bring your thumbs or fingers up her neck in a gliding motion, up into the hairline.
Step 6: Don’t finish the area abruptly - complete at least 3 effleurage movements across the back and shoulders using light pressure, with a slow pace, to signal the end of this section. Finally, place your palms on her back and hold for 4-5 seconds before slowly removing them from her skin.
Legs and buttocks
Step 7: Move to the left leg. Start at the foot/ankle area and spread the warm oil across her entire lower leg, thigh and butt cheek, making sure there is plenty on there. Use the effleurage movement from her foot, all the way up and over her left butt cheek, and back down to her foot without breaking contact with her skin. Do this at least 6 times using a light to medium touch, using a slow pace.
Step 8: Touching only her lower leg, continue the effleurage movement, but use deeper pressure. Make sure you are using the palm of your hand too, and not just your fingers. Do this 5-6 times using a slow pace.
Step 9: Using the same technique and pressure as in step 8, move onto the thigh and left butt cheek. This time, you will be using your fingertips to create sexual energy as you move. Start just above the crease in the back of the leg and effluerage up the outside/middle of the thigh, up onto the butt, and then around and back down, your fingertips lightly skimming the crease between her cheeks. Let your fingers glide lightly down the crease, continuing slowly until you reach the inner thigh, then drift your hands down to the back of the knee. Repeat this movement a few times, each pass bringing you just a little closer to her most intimate areas.
But don’t rush it - and don’t go there just yet. This part is all about building tension, letting the anticipation grow. If you dive in too soon, you risk breaking that slow, rising intensity that could have taken her somewhere far more powerful.
Step 10: Glide your hands down the leg to finish on the foot. Massage the sole of her foot using light to medium pressure with your thumbs. Pay her toes some attention too, lightly massaging each one in turn. But please, don’t dig your thumbs in hard, it hurts!
Repeat steps 7 to 10 on the right leg, then turn her onto her back. This is where things start to get spicy.
Front of the body
Step 11: Sit or stand at her head. Spread warmed massage oil across her chest and breasts. Perform effleurage across her chest and around her breasts. You want to avoid the nipples at this stage, but you can get very close. Keep your pace slow and sensual.
Step 12: Once her skin has warmed from your touch, and she seems ready for more, you can lightly skim her nipples with your palm or fingers as you glide across her skin. Do this for around 30 seconds to a minute before taking her nipples between thumb and forefinger, and gently squeezing and releasing. Make sure there is plenty of oil on your fingers for this.
Some women may reach orgasm from this step alone. If she does, great! If not, don’t fret. She will still be thoroughly enjoying herself.
You can also check in with her at this point. Ask her how it feels. Does she want a firmer touch or something softer on her nipples/breasts? Is she ready to move on, or does she want you to stay right where you are a little longer? This is her time - her experience, so listen closely to her words and tailor your touch to her needs.
Step 13: This part of the massage brings you closer to her intimate areas, so make sure your touch is light and sensual.
Place yourself between her legs. Alternatively, you can stand/kneel to the side of her. Spread warmed oil across her stomach and upper thighs, making sure there is plenty of it and it’s evenly spread. Start by using very light effleurage movements across and around the stomach, bringing your hands very low on the stomach, almost touching her mons pubis, to arouse her. You MUST do this in a clockwise direction, as this is the natural flow of her digestive system. To massage the opposite way can cause great discomfort. You can also massage lightly around the hips.
Step 14: Working on both upper thighs at the same time, one hand on each, use effleurage movements to glide from just above the knee, along the middle/outer areas of the thigh, up to the groin. Allow your fingertips to lightly brush along the crease of the groin before gliding your hands down the inner thigh and to the knee. Carry out this movement several times, keeping a slow and steady pace. Tease her with each pass of her groin, stroking your fingers lightly in the crease. If you have taken your time to do this right, she should be feeling fairly aroused by now.
The grand finale - Yoni massage step by step
Before moving on to the yoni massage itself, I need to be clear: it won’t be anywhere near as powerful without a full-body massage leading into it. Don’t get me wrong - it will still feel good. But it won’t have that same depth, that slow build into something intensely erotic and overwhelming, the kind of experience she could have if her whole body and mind had already been awakened first.
Too many people go straight in, focusing only on the genitals, forgetting there’s an entire body that needs to be brought into the experience, too. So if you can, take your time and give her the full experience. She deserves nothing less than that level of care and attention.
Step 1: Ensure you have plenty of massage oil on your hands before each step. Do not spread it across the vulva before massage, as you want each touch to feel sensational, and this begins with NOT touching until it’s the right time.
Step 2: Place your hand on her lower stomach and hold it there. Ask her to take in a deep breath and release it slowly.
Step 3: Place your hand on her mons pubis and slowly rotate your palm in a circular motion, making her skin move gently with it.
Step 4: Move your attention to the perineum, which is the area between the vaginal opening and the anus. You can use your fingertips to massage in an up and down, side to side, or circular motion. Whichever motion you choose, use light pressure and keep the pace slow.
Step 5: Move to the outer labia. Make sure your fingers have plenty of oil on them, and begin by lightly taking each labium between thumb and forefinger. You can gently squeeze and slowly slide up and down the length of the labia, completely avoiding the clitoris while you do this. You can also perform this movement with flat fingertips if you prefer.
Step 6: Glide a well-oiled finger or two up and down the valley - the smooth area between the outer labia and the inner labia. Be slow and use a light touch. Many women have never had this area touched in this way before, and don’t realise how absolutely incredible it can feel.
Step 7: Using well-oiled fingertips, gently and slowly massage the inner labia in the same manner as you did the outer labia. What feels really good is taking your strokes from the bottom of the left labia, up to the top and over the top of the clitoral hood, then back down the right labia. You must avoid direct touch to the clitoris when performing this movement.
You can also start stroking and squeezing the fourchette, a sensitive area where the bottom of the inner labia meet.
Step 8: The U area is the area just above the urethra and below the clitoris. You can trace the shape of an upside-down U in this area, keeping a slow to medium pace.
Step 9: Gently pull back the clitoral hood, and using a well-oiled finger, trace circles around the outside of her clitoris. You need to look for her reaction to your movement - is one part of the circle more sensitive than the others? You can focus on it using your fingertip. It’s still really important not to directly touch the clitoris at this point.
Step 10: A ‘Sacred Gates’ massage refers to the vaginal opening. With well-oiled fingers, massage lightly around the entrance to her vagina. Don’t go inside just yet. Wait until she is completely turned on and ready. Even then, don’t just shove your finger in!
Step 11: Place your finger just inside the entrance, up to the first finger joint (usually only ½ - 3/4 inch long). Hold it there for a few moments to allow her to adjust to this new touch. Then, begin to massage all around the inside of her opening.
Step 12: She should have an area just inside her front wall that feels a bit like a wrinkled walnut; this is her G-spot area. You want to use a gentle ‘come hither’ finger movement to massage this area. She may orgasm from this - or not. Either way, so long as she is enjoying the experience, that is all that matters.
Note: Sometimes women may experience numbness around the G-spot area. This can happen if she isn’t fully aroused yet, or if she’s holding a lot of tension in that part of her body. It’s completely normal. In some cases, touch in this area can even feel uncomfortable or sharp rather than pleasurable. If she feels any stinging or pain, pause and gently rest your finger there, staying present and steady. Invite her to breathe into it and allow the tension to soften and release. In many cases, the sensation will begin to ease quite quickly.
If it doesn’t settle, don’t force it - simply move your attention to another area and come back only if and when her body feels ready.
Step 13: You can move on to massaging the A-spot if she would like this. This spot is on the front wall, but much deeper, usually the full finger length inside. It is generally very wet and juicy in this area, and you may find that lots of liquid begins to come out of her opening. Use the same ‘come hither’ motion as you did on the G-spot to massage this area.
At this point in the massage, if she would like to finish, you need to slowly release your finger. Place your hand on her labia and mons pubis, cupping it with gentle pressure. Hold it there for a few moments before slowly releasing.
If she isn’t ready to finish and needs more stimulation to climax, you could combine your G or A spot massage with clitoral massage, starting gently and slowly increasing the speed and pressure to a level that she likes.
If you are already very intimate with each other, you could keep your finger inside her while using the centre of your tongue to massage her clitoris. DO NOT use the tip of your tongue; it will be far too much for her at this time. Build it up slowly.
Once you have completed her massage, wrap her in a blanket and get her some cool water to sip. If you are in an intimate relationship, you can hold her in your arms for a while.
hope this has given you a deeper understanding of what’s possible when touch is slowed down, intentional, and truly present. This isn’t about technique alone—it’s about presence, patience, and learning to listen to her body. If you take anything from this, let it be that she doesn’t just want to be touched—she wants to be felt, understood, and fully seen in the experience.
Lacey xx